Perseverance

Recently, when asked to speak to a group of women on the topic of perseverance, I didn't have to dig very deep to realize I have first hand knowledge of the subject. After all that's what brought me to the place of blogging (My Story).

Before I felt qualified to speak on the subject, I first felt the need to clarify my understanding of the word persevere and its close relation, endure. Because, as I've found, our English language uses these two words interchangeably. Assuming they are two different words I pressed on to determine how they are so closely related.

After some time of what felt like chasing my own tail (because believe me at times it was a circular path to separate these two words as they referenced each other to define each other), the "light bulb" moment came. I found the above pictured quote from Charles Spurgeon. Ah, ha! I said to myself. That's it! Because I have found when words are used interchangeably, yet have distinct definitions, the power in both words becomes diminished as the lines between them become blurred.

Charles Spurgeon's little snail open the door of my understanding. This is how I described it to the women as I spoke to them:

I persevered in preparing to speak to you so now you must endure!

Like the snail on its way to the ark, to persevere means there must be constant forward motion. Sometimes that means literal forward motion and other times it's merely sheer determination not to give up.

Drawing from my past, my highly motivated efforts to wean off the drug poisoning my body was driven by pure perseverance, while endurance enabled me to withstand the effects of withdrawal. Unfortunately the process of drug withdrawal from benzodiazepines requires both. There is no way around it. There are ways to mitigate the effects, but there will be the trial of perseverance with endurance.

The old adage, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" certainly held true for me in this case. Withdrawal from this insidious drug is dangerous. It can kill. Through perseverance and endurance I came out stronger than I ever believed possible.

Having my faith strengthened through perseverance is primarily what I wanted to share as I spoke to the women. My experience is nothing compared to what others have had to persevere and endure. Everyone at one time or another will persevere through something. Right? That is one of our common bonds of life. If we aren't learning in the process we completely miss the opportunity for growth (that forward motion of life),  and risk stagnating in bitterness, or worse.

I've found life itself is the process of persevering, haven't you? It's what we learn through the process that produces the lasting, positive life changing effects. And for believers it is faith building because God has promised to meed our every need.

Please, I don't want you to get the idea that I stood before those women and painted a maudlin picture of the martyr's view of perseverance. Quite the contrary. I've learned some beautiful lessons about what it means to persevere...and it's not been about me.

What I've learned and continue to learn is, God is bigger than anything I must persevere or endure. It was His powerful presence meeting me moment by moment then and His continued presence meeting me daily now as I persevere toward the future He has assured me of - step by step, day by day, like the snail.

Are you enduring something today. Allow Christ to give you the strength to persevere.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philip. 4:13

On The Lighter Side

Submitted for your enjoyment this Christmas from my alter ego...Penelope.

Penelope’s Paltry Predicament

    Penelope’s previously prickled persona passed in polite pretense as she pondered her prospective purpose. Ah, ha! She proclaimed. A party of perfectly pharoanic proportions would positively placate my pained perspicacity!

    Having made peace with her previous preturberance, Penelope prepared to plan the perfect party, choosing poinsettias as the pivotal point. Pondering the possibilities of pigmentation for said party, Penelope picked a perfectly profound product of the pink pigment – not too pale – as is her preference for the priority of poinsettias.

    Prevailing upon her local purveyor of products, Penelope planned to purchase plentiful poinsettias of said pigmentation. Upon her arrival at the purveyor’s place of production an unplanned pang of her previous perturbation proceeded to persecute her psyche. Proceeding to pace the passages, Penelope’s panic produced premeditations of presently perishing. Such a predicament prohibited the purchase of poinsettias and practically poisoned Penelope’s preference of her previously perfectly pigmented posies.

    Perchance, what purpose would such premeditations present themselves you plea?

    Alas, the plenary of said purveyor’s paltry product of pigmented poinsettias was primarily….leopard print!

    Merry Christmas! And may your holiday's perspectives prevail to point to the true meaning of the season....the coming of the Savior of the world - Jesus!

    And if you don't know who He is or what He means in your life, ask the God of all creation to present HIS gift this year and reveal Jesus to you.

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!

2 Corinthians 9:15

Let Go and Hold On

     I have a favorite Bible verse. You may be familiar with it.

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

     After reading it in several translations, including footnotes, I've written it in the margins of all my Bibles like this:

     "Be still, cease striving, let go, relax, and know that I am God..."

     But there are times, admittedly, when it adamantly reminds me:

     SIT STILL, SHUT UP, GET YOUR HANDS OFF IT, BREATHE, AND TRUST GOD TO TAKE CARE OF IT!

     There have been many times in my life when I just can't seem to let go and trust God to handle my problems. I want to get in there and manipulate, maneuver, manage the situation toward my ultimate goal - which seldom is without selfish motives. By "selfish" I don't mean with bad intentions. Selfish, in most cases for me means, when you boil it all down, I'm thinking my outcome would far exceed God's purposes. Because, of course, I would plan the final outcome down to the finest detail, fully intact before I would ever step back and "sit still". A true pit of quicksand to be sure! Because once I've stepped in that direction it's hard to turn back.

     It can be impossibly difficult to be still when everything around you seems to be shaking and crumbling. I know. I live in earthquake country. What is the first thing most people want to do when the ground begins shaking? RUN! That instinct often leads to a poor choice of direction and more harm than had they stayed put.

      Being still is not usually what we want to do. We want to be busy fixing things, making them better. But that is not what God asks of us.

     The next phrase in my retranslated verse is "cease striving". The word "strive" is no longer a common word in the English language. If we were to read it as "struggle against, oppose, or resist" it may help. It's natural for us to struggle against, oppose and resist that which is uncomfortable. Our initial and visceral response is to make the situation more comfortable. But here God is asking us to do the opposite of our natural inclinations - don't do anything when we feel like we need to do something! This is not an easy choice to make. It's counter-intuitive; a term I became all too familiar with some years ago.

     If you've read my earliest posts, you are aware this blog began as a testament to surviving benzodiazepine withdrawal. If not, you can read the full explanation in My Story. In a nut-shell, for me, the weaning process from this drug caused me to become very sick for a few days following each reduction of the dosage, followed by a relatively "normal" few days, followed by a sudden rapid decline. It was that decline which became the signal for the next reduction. Discussing that pattern with my daughter led her to interject the term counter-intuitive. And she was absolutely right. It was counter-intuitive to do something that would make me feel worse when I was getting worse. But it never failed to be the right thing to do. Just as within the context of this one simple verse of the Bible, God is saying to be still, calm and not to struggle - even though it feels counter-intuitive - because He's got my back. Even though at the time taking that step of faith may feel as if I'm stepping into an endless free-fall, God has promised to be there to catch me. He IS God! He will do the same for you as well.

     Next, as if that isn't enough, He asks us to "let go". Our human comprehension screams it's illogical to let go when we don't know what will happen next. We want answers, we want to see what's coming before we "let go". Just try to pry a toy out of the grip of a baby's hand without offering something better - not gonna happen! At least it won't happen without great struggle and loud protest. Isn't that how we respond to God when He's encouraging us to let go of something we've been holding on to? We don't understand how freeing, how healing letting go can be until we've made the exchange because it means trusting Him to supply that which is infinitely better. And what He offers is always SO much better than what we've held on to.

     And finally, He wants us to do all of that while relaxed - without stress, completely calm and quietly. As I see it, there is only one way we can possibly do that, and that is to do it with the understanding from the remainder of the verse....KNOWING that He is God. Knowing that HE is greater than anything a "nation" can provide, and greater than anything on "earth". We can choose to look to human resources or the resources of earth but we will do that to our detriment. God, the Creator of it all, is greater than it all. He has the resources to provide for our every need, doing it in a more lavish and generous way than we can imagine. AND, He has promised to do so. We may renege on our promises but God never does. He can't. It's impossible for Him to go against His nature. Is that comforting or what?

     So when my world is shaking and about to come apart at the seams, I remind myself to be still, cease striving and struggling, let go and relax, knowing He is God, let Him be God, open my hand and release it giving it to Him - regardless of what "it" is. And as the first verse of the same Psalm says, He will be (as He always is) my place of refuge and my immediate help when I need it. If I don't run, if I don't panic, if I remain calm and still, He will be my help...

     Let go of all else...and hold onto Him.

Getting Real

PITY PARTY

OF

ONE PLEASE

Momentarily facing something which felt unbearable, I jumped on, or rather into, the "Pity Pot" (I admit I went ALL the way in), and began stewing in fear, doubt and self-pity.

So as long as I'm getting real, here’s where I found myself...

Truthful Confession: I'm prideful, helpless, hopeless and weak. I had come to the (prideful)  conclusion, after surmounting an obstacle as large as the one I faced (helplessly) a few years ago, that I could conquer just about anything without fear or doubt (hopeless), knowing the strength I'd discovered was not my own (weak), but the strength of faith in my Christ.

 I failed and here's why.

Without going into the whole history of my medical, physical and spiritual journey (you can read about that in My Story), suffice it to say, I found myself facing yet another trip down the road of withdrawal from a brief need for pain medication due to a couple of medical issues. I knew withdrawal was certain due to the way my body is wired. However, I also knew the medication I had been on does not cause the sever withdrawal symptoms I experienced with benzodiazepines (I wrote an analogy of that struggle called Benny). Yet, in a moment of weakness, I felt as if the ground would quake, open up, and swallow me whole. When in reality it was only going to be a small tremor. Nothing more than one of those annoying speed bumps of life we all encounter. Yet in an easy nano-second I'd pulled out the Pity Pot, climbed in, and gotten comfortable!

How had I fallen so far?

I realize now getting in that Pity Pot was a ridiculous choice because I knew (really knew) I would probably only loose a few nights of sleep and that would be about it...nothing compared to the horrors of benzodiazepine withdrawal. Seriously NOTHING! But I was feeling sorry for myself, I was feeling weak and self-indulgent - the real problem. See the "I's" and "self"? Enough said.

When a song I hadn't heard in years popped up from my playlist my perspective was readjusted as it gave me the proverbial smack upside the head. The song, "He Walked a Mile", by Clay Cross, contains the simple chorus that reset my perspective:

And every time I close my eyes

I see the nails, I hear the cries

He did not keep Himself away

He was no stranger to my pain

He walked a mile in my shoes

He walked a mile

Reality check! A life's totality of pain and suffering does not even come close to the sum of Jesus' pain and suffering; something He did, resulting in His death, not only for my salvation but to identify with me as well. As the lyrics say, He was (is) no stranger to my pain. He knows. He understands. Even Jesus - God Himself - prayed to be released from that horrid experience prior to His crucifixion. Yet He did not turn from it, and now we know He understands my/our weaknesses; not in order to diminish any suffering we may experience, but for us to have an understanding of His compassion toward us. Could He put an immediate stop to our suffering? Certainly! From my personal experiences those which He allows are to benefit and strengthen personal weaknesses which, if left untried, will threaten my faith. And there is nothing more the enemy of my soul likes to do than to strike at my weaknesses.

Suddenly I felt His compassion filling me with a renewed sense of victory. I had to ask myself, If He had given me the strength, faith, endurance and fortitude to withstand benzodiazepine withdrawal, why would He not provide for anything else? A few night's lost sleep and some minor discomfort were nothing! Why was I sitting in the Pity Pot? At that point, if I'd shared my whole story with anyone else, I'm sure they would have looked at me, laughed, and said, "So, explain it to me again, exactly what's your problem?"

That felt precisely like what had happened. The words from the chorus virtually screamed What's your problem?! to me, provoking an instant perspective and attitude adjustment.  Well, maybe it took an hour or so. OK, I'll admit, I had to "chew" on it a while before I realized I'd lost perspective, forgotten the victory and had begun to sink; just like Peter when Jesus called him out of the boat to walk on the water. Just like Peter, I looked at myself and I began to sink deeper and deeper into the Pity Pot.

So, with the strength which only comes from Christ, I got up off (or out of, as was my case) the Pity Pot, refocused on Him, and walked away with not even a trail of toilet paper stringing along behind me...because that's just how thorough my Jesus is!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

What You See In The Dark

I set out to write another short story and ended up with a devotion that begins as if it were a story. It may speak to you or a situation in which you have found yourself at one point in life or another. We constantly battle a nature that is inherently corrupt....well, at least I do. The sin-nature will always attempt to pull us back into the dark state of the unsaved. This style of writing does not in the least reflect the life I live...only the life I am fully aware of. And thanks to the saving grace of Jesus I am able to write about it from the perspective of the redeemed. 

What You See In The Dark

Darkness. Utter darkness. Something about its presence becomes substance once the light has been removed. Something inherently evil.

Have you ever experienced a cave tour when, after reaching the belly of the cave, your guide suddenly tells you to stop and be still, then snuffs out the light? With the flick of a switch, or a puff extinguishing a flame you are plunged into utter darkness. Darkness unlike anything you've ever experienced. And at that very moment you are thankful silence does not accompany the all-encompassing darkness; at least not then. The laughter, the Ooo’s, the Ah’s, the twitters of nervousness, the exclamations of wonder at seeing absolutely NOTHING are your only references to the fact that you are not alone. The chatter of your fellow tourists and gravity maintain your only perspective on lucidity. Without those references you would have no concept of time and space; no hold on sanity.

Have you ever noticed in the dark pain is felt more intensely? Suffering more agonizing? Loneliness more desolate? Darkness can be so cruel; an enigma. It’s capable of giving and taking – both on a grand scale. It robs dignity and gives worthlessness. It steals sanity and fills the void with delusion. It crushes and provokes all at the same time.

So, even though you may “see” nothing in the dark what you experience can be frightful beyond measure. Because with the absence of light darkness reigns unchecked, quickly filling the vacuum the absence of light leaves behind like a flood.

Do you find yourself asking how do I resist this powerful force of darkness and keep it from overtaking me? If it’s that powerful is it even possible to stand against it? Or, maybe you are in a place of darkness right now and feeling hopeless, worthless, fearful and incapable of fighting battles. Battles which surely must be fought to break free from the crushing weight of darkness. You may be thinking you are just too weary to lift the weight of the armor needed to fight, or you are too exhausted even to run from it. Neither do you need to run nor fight. You only need to be able to form upon the lips of your heart one word…

JESUS

I (Jesus) have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in me

will not remain in darkness.

John 12:46

I (Jesus) am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness,

but will have the light of life.

John 8:12

Submit to God. Resist the devil (darkness) and he will flee from you.

James 4:7