Getting Real

PITY PARTY

OF

ONE PLEASE

Momentarily facing something which felt unbearable, I jumped on, or rather into, the "Pity Pot" (I admit I went ALL the way in), and began stewing in fear, doubt and self-pity.

So as long as I'm getting real, here’s where I found myself...

Truthful Confession: I'm prideful, helpless, hopeless and weak. I had come to the (prideful)  conclusion, after surmounting an obstacle as large as the one I faced (helplessly) a few years ago, that I could conquer just about anything without fear or doubt (hopeless), knowing the strength I'd discovered was not my own (weak), but the strength of faith in my Christ.

 I failed and here's why.

Without going into the whole history of my medical, physical and spiritual journey (you can read about that in My Story), suffice it to say, I found myself facing yet another trip down the road of withdrawal from a brief need for pain medication due to a couple of medical issues. I knew withdrawal was certain due to the way my body is wired. However, I also knew the medication I had been on does not cause the sever withdrawal symptoms I experienced with benzodiazepines (I wrote an analogy of that struggle called Benny). Yet, in a moment of weakness, I felt as if the ground would quake, open up, and swallow me whole. When in reality it was only going to be a small tremor. Nothing more than one of those annoying speed bumps of life we all encounter. Yet in an easy nano-second I'd pulled out the Pity Pot, climbed in, and gotten comfortable!

How had I fallen so far?

I realize now getting in that Pity Pot was a ridiculous choice because I knew (really knew) I would probably only loose a few nights of sleep and that would be about it...nothing compared to the horrors of benzodiazepine withdrawal. Seriously NOTHING! But I was feeling sorry for myself, I was feeling weak and self-indulgent - the real problem. See the "I's" and "self"? Enough said.

When a song I hadn't heard in years popped up from my playlist my perspective was readjusted as it gave me the proverbial smack upside the head. The song, "He Walked a Mile", by Clay Cross, contains the simple chorus that reset my perspective:

And every time I close my eyes

I see the nails, I hear the cries

He did not keep Himself away

He was no stranger to my pain

He walked a mile in my shoes

He walked a mile

Reality check! A life's totality of pain and suffering does not even come close to the sum of Jesus' pain and suffering; something He did, resulting in His death, not only for my salvation but to identify with me as well. As the lyrics say, He was (is) no stranger to my pain. He knows. He understands. Even Jesus - God Himself - prayed to be released from that horrid experience prior to His crucifixion. Yet He did not turn from it, and now we know He understands my/our weaknesses; not in order to diminish any suffering we may experience, but for us to have an understanding of His compassion toward us. Could He put an immediate stop to our suffering? Certainly! From my personal experiences those which He allows are to benefit and strengthen personal weaknesses which, if left untried, will threaten my faith. And there is nothing more the enemy of my soul likes to do than to strike at my weaknesses.

Suddenly I felt His compassion filling me with a renewed sense of victory. I had to ask myself, If He had given me the strength, faith, endurance and fortitude to withstand benzodiazepine withdrawal, why would He not provide for anything else? A few night's lost sleep and some minor discomfort were nothing! Why was I sitting in the Pity Pot? At that point, if I'd shared my whole story with anyone else, I'm sure they would have looked at me, laughed, and said, "So, explain it to me again, exactly what's your problem?"

That felt precisely like what had happened. The words from the chorus virtually screamed What's your problem?! to me, provoking an instant perspective and attitude adjustment.  Well, maybe it took an hour or so. OK, I'll admit, I had to "chew" on it a while before I realized I'd lost perspective, forgotten the victory and had begun to sink; just like Peter when Jesus called him out of the boat to walk on the water. Just like Peter, I looked at myself and I began to sink deeper and deeper into the Pity Pot.

So, with the strength which only comes from Christ, I got up off (or out of, as was my case) the Pity Pot, refocused on Him, and walked away with not even a trail of toilet paper stringing along behind me...because that's just how thorough my Jesus is!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13